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Essays on what people are really arguing about.
Short pieces from Steven’s mediation practice, the music business and the book. Each card shows three takeaways so you can decide in a glance.
13 essays
The Keyboard Player in the CornerCalm isn't neutralSettle things firstPeace isn't resolutionPart two of the Beatles series: what Billy Preston's arrival in January 1969 shows about calm, neutrality and the problem underneath.
The Guitar Part That Wasn'tSurface fights repeatAsk the whyThe need: respectWhat George Harrison’s 1969 walkout from the Beatles shows about surface arguments, and the conversation a mediator looks for underneath.
You Can't Win the PastMemory is reconstructionAcknowledgment, not recordsAsk what's needed nowWhy two people can remember the same conversation differently, and why mediation shifts the question from what happened to what's needed now.
When to Keep Your Mouth ShutSilence isn't neutralityAsk what it protectsUseful over rightHow a mediator decides when staying quiet protects the process and when it quietly starts working against what the parties asked for.
Give the Devil the FloorArgue against yourselfTest your questionsAnonymize before uploadingHow a mediator uses AI to stress-test his own questions before a session, and where its usefulness and confidentiality end.
The Five Whys of DisputeKeep asking whyPositions hide needsName the historyA music-industry negotiation shows how asking why, layer by layer, can uncover the need hidden underneath a stuck position.
High ResolutionCarve out spaceInterests under positionsManage the dynamicsWhat a recording engineer's mixing desk teaches about letting both parties be heard without either one drowning the other out.
Zen and the Art of Mediation (Not Motorcycles)Lower the volumeName the processCurious, not alarmedLessons from Pirsig's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, and four techniques a mediator uses when a session gets stuck or heated.
Root Cause AnalysisLook below the surfaceThe Toddler TechniqueInterests over positionsHow borrowing root cause analysis, including the Five Whys, helps a mediator get past the surface argument to the needs underneath it.
Breaking the ImpasseNo compromise positionFeelings under positionsEmpowerment and recognitionHow transformative mediation helped two separating parents move past a school-choice standoff where splitting the difference was impossible.
When One Side Won't Come to the TableName the imbalanceLevel the fieldKnow the alternativesHow a mediator can work with real power imbalances in divorce and family disputes, drawing a parallel with Ukraine.
The Role of Anger in MediationAnger is contagiousChannel it constructivelyPause before reactingWhy anger shows up in almost every conflict, when it can help, and how to keep it from derailing the conversation.- When political arguments aren’t really about politicsIt's rarely politicsRespect before factsAsk why they careAn op-ed by mediator Steven Corn: before ending a relationship over politics, ask what the fight is actually about.
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