From the book
The Dispute Stack
Why people rarely fight about what they say they’re fighting about.
The three layers
Read a conflict from the top down. Each layer explains the one above it.
Position
What a person says they want, out loud: an amount, a schedule, a credit, an apology. It’s the part everyone argues about.
Interest
Why the position matters to them: security, fairness, recognition, time, control. Interests can often be met in more than one way.
Unspoken need
The question underneath that rarely gets said, such as “Do you respect me?” or “Do you care about what I built?” An agreement that ignores it tends not to hold.
An example: $200,000.
In a divorce mediation, one spouse asked for $200,000. The couple’s combined assets were under $60,000. That was the position. Asked why, the reason came out: they believed their ex had misspent marital money. That was the interest. Underneath was the unspoken need: for the other person to admit it happened.
They settled on an $8,000 reimbursement and an acknowledgment. The number was never the point. It was how big the injury felt.
What people ask for is usually not what they need.
Steven applies the same idea to political arguments in this op-ed
Common questions
Yes. Before your next hard conversation, write down what you’re asking for. Then ask yourself why you want it, and why that matters. The answer at the bottom is usually what you need the other person to hear.
Steven helps the parties look past their stated positions to the interests and needs underneath, and helps each person put them into words. Once those are visible, the people in the dispute can look for options that answer the real problem, not just the number on the table.
No. A position is what someone asks for; an interest is why it matters to them. Two people with opposite positions can share interests, which is often where an agreement starts.
The Dispute Stack is the first chapter of Beyond the Argument: The Fight You’re In Is Not the Problem You’re Solving, by Steven Corn, out November 10, 2026.
More from the book: Beyond the Argument
Find what’s underneath.
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